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When you were a little kid, you probably played pretend. Maybe you were a pilot or a princess, a secret agent or a chef. It was fun and freeing then – it could be that and more now.

For adults, role-playing is an escape from reality, from your tyrannical boss, your rush-hour commute and the daily demands of life. For a time, you don’t have to be you, and your partner gets transported to a different place without leaving the bedroom.

One common misconception is that role-playing is all about kinky sex; another is that it means you are bored with your sex life or you find your partner less attractive.
Role-playing is about acting out your sexual fantasies, which the vast majority of people have had at some point. After all, playing pretend as a child was exactly that – play. Now that you’re grown up, role-play has the potential to be so much better! Here’s what you gain!


When you role-play with your partner, you can be and do all the things you have always to without fear of judgment. Role-play allows you to step out of character – be aggressive when you are usually reserved, dominant when you are usually submissive.
Your best asset - and aphrodisiac - is your mind. Your bedroom is your playground, and you can try anything that you and your lover can agree to!


When you share your sexual fantasies, you reveal your deepest, darkest secrets. In conveying your secrets, you are working on communication and acceptance. Not only do you get to know your lover better, you learn about yourself.
Furthermore, role-playing can help reduce the urge to cheat. It may take no more than a wig and sunglasses to get the rush from an encounter with a sexy “stranger,” no hotel room required. Unless, of course, that’s part of the fantasy!


For many long-term couples, sex becomes predictable, boring, an obligation. Role-playing gives you a chance to exercise your creativity – even if all you get is a good laugh.

Many still consider role-playing to be taboo, but there is nothing wrong with exciting sex! The sad fact is, most of us are embarrassed to talk about our fantasies, let alone act them out. But the beauty of role-playing is no one except your lover ever has to know.

Role-Play 101

If this is new to you and your lover, we’ll break down the basics to help you ease into what is sure to become your new favourite bedroom activity:

1. Do some research.
You could just ask him, but be specific: “Have you ever had a fantasy about someone? Do you like it when I’m dominant or submissive?” If he isn’t the most forthcoming the first time around, try a little investigative research. If he has a porn collection at the back of his closet or on his computer, you’ve struck gold.

2. Choose a character.
Once you figure out what his fantasy is, it’s time to get into your new role. Perhaps he has fantasised about being “punished” by a naughty teacher, or doing unspeakable things to a naughty secretary. Costumes could be expensive, but improvising from what you have could save you a bundle. Sometimes all it takes is a wig and red lipstick, or undoing the top few buttons of your blouse and hiking up your skirt.

3. Check your timing.
If he has had a rough day at work, grabbing him and tying him to the bedpost might not go over very well. There is a time and a place for everything, so do be mindful of your partner’s mood before getting frisky. There is always tomorrow night!

4. Set the mood.
Turn the lights down low or turn on a red light bulb like they do in the movies. However, you may want to test the waters before jumping in: “Hey, can we try something? I have this idea...” If he’s shy or not into it, don’t sweat it. After all, you’ve already put the idea into his head, so he may be the one to bring it up next time!

5. Start with a compliment.
Really getting into your new roles might require some encouragement. Build your man’s confidence. Tell him he looks sexy and be sincere. Sometimes words aren’t necessary; undress him with your eyes and make sure he knows it. If he’s like most men, he will enjoy being lusted after by a foxy lady!

6. Take it slow and have fun!
Rushing each other would just put stress on a situation where there should be none. Be spontaneous, and be willing and ready to laugh if your role-play doesn’t go according to the script. Like any new adventure, keeping the experience positive and light-hearted will ensure that he’ll interested in more! LW

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